undecided, but with the intent to disarm mediocrity

for some time now i’ve been thinking about what i should do, where i should go, and what my life will be like after i’m all settled in, and what i realized is that it scares me....

i am an undetermined, self motivator, with no way, or insight, yet i believe in what i think, and yet i know nothing....

maybe it’s an oxymoron, but still, i can dream right?

these things that seem to get to me are things that are in my past, still shaken by any real thought of what can happen in life, whether i see myself in others or not

i see how people can change, and how life can effect those changes

some become more self-righteous, and believe that just because they have some incline on life, whether good or bad they are an expert....is that fair?

prejudgment on the basis that they might turn out like you?

“hypocrisy, thy name in you”...i guess that’s how i see it

i don’t know what i want to do, but i don’t think i have to decide anytime soon

my passions i hold in, because, what if i were to throw my whole being into them and fail? would they all be right then? would that be enough justification to say....“i told ya so”?

maybe,

i don’t want to settle for anything less than what i’m capable of...but it seems to me that at any single point i attain some type of greatness, i become frail...my moral stature seems to crumble at the first gesture of self absorbency

i seem to have this self destructive personality, like the whole “one step forward and two steps back” deal in which i can’t seem to step out of, and it scares me…

i think it’s time for me to take a chance, and to just go for it....i need to find a way, and find some sense of belonging…

i hope, and pray that this will happen, i just have to keep going forward, and believe, and hopefully my future will shape into what i want it to be

i just have to make it happen....